I’m sending this essay off to the UUA to try and get endorsement to enter into the Army’s Chaplain Candidate Program, which allows potential chaplains to explore and train for the position without enlisting. I think it’s a wonderful way to get more information and make a better decision as to my capability to serve.
Why the Army Chaplain Candidate Program Calls to Me
I grew up in a non-political, liberal-ish, secular house that followed the major Christian holidays in the way that department stores do–we put up decorations but didn’t strive to ask questions or discuss the reasons behind any of the traditions or ornamentation. We started informally attending a Unitarian Universalist church when I was nine and I started to loosely apply the principles to my mindset. I’ve always felt a very strong sense that all people are to be treated with respect and dignity, that we all have the right to live a fulfilling life. Injustices raised so many questions and heralded the call to serve those in need.
It used to be that I would have never considered any career within the military. I am not a person who seeks combat, unless it’s a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu match among friends–and my recent found love of combat sports was surprising to many including myself. I was one of those people who would get uncomfortable hearing that someone was either joining the military, deploying, or had just returned from a tour. This shifted a year and a half ago when I met Rev. David Pyle at the UU church in Ventura, CA and changed more drastically after meeting my good friend Michael, a UU and veteran who did two tours in Iraq and has PTSD along with physical disabilities from the last year he was there.
Rev. Pyle met with a group of young adult (ages 18-35) spiritual activists in a leadership training offered by the UU Legislative Ministry of California, and shared the stories of his congregation’s work to counter the oppression and numbers of the homeless population in Ventura and his own experience as a former solider and current military chaplain. Rev. Pyle’s evaluation of how UU churches often turn their backs on people serving in the military because the congregants don’t always agree with the reasons behind military action was very moving. His personal stories of struggling with how to identify himself to people and own who he was and how important the military has been in his life made me view those who serve in a new light. I had never disliked anyone for going into the military, but had always struggled with my idealistic desire for a world without armed conflict, pragmatism, and emotional response to lives in danger and lost. After hearing Rev. Pyle talk, I could understand–but didn’t yet feel–the reasons a person might go into military chaplaincy.
The Labor Day after meeting Rev. Pyle, in 2012, I attended the annual UU Young Adult Camp up at DeBenneville Pines in Angelus Oaks. There were a number of people who had some relation to the military at this camp, a grand total of 3. Rev. Pyle and a young adult who flew out from his station in Japan were running a workshop which involved discussion of the military, it drew quite a few attendees who shared my previous trepidation surrounding all things combative–other than debate. The third person associated with the military was Michael, a man who caught my attention because he was fit in a way that said he could lift some weight, had beautiful hair and eyes (that part was important), and was quiet and observant in a way that told me he was working through some anxiety but was catching much of what was done around him.
I wasn’t at Rev. Pyle’s workshop, though I was interested in the subject, but he helped me plan the camp worships and basically saved the first, frazzled one by incorporating a ritual welcoming he said he’d done before with his military young adults. He couldn’t stay for the whole camp because he was preaching on Sunday at his church, but his presence was welcome and very helpful in a time of great stress for me. I was able to chat with his co-facilitator, Fred, and I maintain an online friendship with him now that he’s back in Japan. Both Rev. Pyle and Fred were very popular and always had a group around them asking questions.
Michael and I became friends after that camp when we went to Disneyland with two of our mutual friends. Navigating Disneyland with someone who appears outwardly able-bodied but has physical disabilities that limit the time over which he can stand or sit for extended periods of time proved a little difficult but it allowed me to get to know him in a practical way and better understand what was going on in his body and get a little information on his mental workings. Michael is very honest and was upfront about his PTSD, I asked if he needed me to say his name before touching him if we were moving through a crowd and that sparked a discussion of what triggered him. Through out the course of our day at Disneyland, I got a little understanding of how difficult daily tasks are for Michael because of his back.
We got to talk more in depth when we went out for coffee one on one, and it was really impressive how open he was to talk about what had happened, and I was surprised at how I was able to handle hearing it, it was tricky at some points. Hearing about the constant physical pain, how he needs shots every month, how he spends his days resting after going out for errands and how he wishes he could do more. He remarked at one point that his therapist would be happy to hear that he was talking to someone about it because he never talked that much with anyone about it. Michael hadn’t been able to remember his dreams until recently, and often they involve killing or being hunted. It is an honor to be let in to a place that others hadn’t seen, and I have deep gratitude for all the work that Michael has done, and continues to do, to get to where he can from the darker places his mind and body have been.
It was talks like that early one with Michael that started me thinking I might actually want to go for military chaplaincy. I recalled Rev. Pyle saying something about the Army Reserves, and I started to kick the idea around when I would consider the possible paths I could take with my future ministry. When I mentioned to Rev. Pyle that I was debating going for Reserves chaplaincy, he suggested I look at the Chaplain Candidate Program so I could learn what it would entail. Initially, I thought he might be trying to gently guide me away from going into the military because it wouldn’t fit with who I was.
I looked at the program information available online and it looked too good to be true, a training program that would allow me to prepare for military chaplaincy without enlisting so I could make an informed decision about joining up when I was ordained! Though I feel I would fit well with the chaplain role, I’m not sure how I would fare if/when I did end up deployed, and I’d like to collect more stories and skills before I sign a contract so I can offer my best self to those I serve. After a lot of reflection and a conversation with Rev. Pyle during which he described military chaplaincy as young adult ministry, something resonated and clicked into place. It might have been the joy in his voice, or the degree of honesty to which he communicated, but all my reservations over applying for the program melted away and my fear that Rev. Pyle was trying to suggest another path dissipated.
Rev. Pyle pointed out that the populations I would most likely serve in the congregation and the military would be very different. I think I would get as much out of serving each of them as I have to offer. He said he loved both his position as assistant minister and as a military chaplain in the Reserves. His sense of purpose came across strongly over the phone and as we hung up I was smiling and laughing at how much everything he said fit with where I wanted to be. I want to go where I am needed, and I know that there are groups of people in the military who don’t identify as religious, who are atheist, or who don’t have chaplains from their denominations serving. I am the kind of person who likes to hear about what moves people and what beliefs shape who they are. I strive for authenticity in all my relationships, and I want to be a person who can affirm and support people in times of distress and jubilance.
As I understand it, military chaplaincy is the emotional and spiritual support for those serving in the military and their families. The duties would include counseling in times of difficulty–rape, drug abuse, PTSD, the loss of a friend, injury, suicide, the stress over a spouse leaving on a tour, relocation, readjusting to life stateside; performing the rites typical of clergy–weddings, last rites, funerals; and giving religious services (and guidance if requested). I understand that while a chaplain is active duty they are to assist the medic and are a noncombatant with a chaplain’s assistant. It is the chaplain’s responsibility to go to the homes of the families of those who have died and deliver the news. It seems to me that there is a great deal of responsibility of an intense emotional scale, and that there is so much opportunity for good work.
I am applying to the Chaplain Candidate Program because I think it will shape my ministry in a phenomenal way that seminary can’t. I want to reach out to people who identify as atheist, spiritual, religious, curious, or other. I want to be there for people like Michael, because all deserve someone to bare witness to their struggles and victories. I want to educate my future congregation in acceptance and support of populations typically forgotten or shoved aside in the UU populous. I look forward to the challenges, physical, mental, and spiritual, that come with this program and branch of chaplaincy.
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I need to get some letters of recommendation for this as well, at least one minster and one lay person. If you’d like to be one of these people, please let me know!
Thank you! Be well!
Sarah
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Reflections on Chaplaincy 