Fear-based Ministry

Since I was about 9 years old, I have been afraid for the fate of the world.  I grew up with an awareness of Global Warming before it was relabeled Climate Change.  I have cousins who turned to drugs and crime when they didn’t have what they wanted/needed out of life.  I would lose sleep imagining the world around me devolving into hate, destruction, and isolation.  There was no way I could feel safe in such a terrifying place.

This was when I knew I had to follow a path to a job that would affect change in my life time, and make the lives of those around me a little bit better when I could–there was no other option, I couldn’t ignore the scary ass place this world was.  I couldn’t justify my love of dance, music, and art when the world was burning around me.  Now, I’m blessed to see how the integration of these things into my life and work builds resiliency and strength.

Out of the fear of a child comes the mission of my ministry–building resilient, strong, beautiful, affirming community where I can.  I didn’t have the words for this mission until I took a class at Starr King on Spirituality and Resilience.  I’m not sure the professor knows how profoundly his work really changed how I look at the world and how I fit into it, but it was a turning point for me.  I found a glimmer of hope in the hodgepodge of things I do and the things I aspire to.

I still wrestle with whether or not I feel right when I fantasize about bringing life into this world sometime in the ethereal future–that question has yet to be answered–luckily, it’s not something I need an answer to soon.  But, I know that I have words for what I believe to be a saving message.  Building on that childhood fear of world devastation, sifting through it all and finding the charge to action and the rejuvenating reasons to do this heartbreaking work, I have found a glimmer of purpose.

Fear can be an excellent motivator.  It’s not the saving message in and of itself though.

Future Rev. Caine now has Candidate status!

I just got back from Portland and seeing the Regional Sub-Committee on Candidacy (RSCC). I was granted Candidate Status!  This means I’m eligible for scholarships and membership with the UU Ministers’ Association.  I’m going to Ministry Days right before General Assembly this year, if I can get financial aid!  I’m also helping with planning the Witness Action for GA–it’s gonna be really fun!  So much is happening!

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Fall 2013 was jammed full of classes, emotions, and discernment.  Then, January held two 3 unit classes–each only one week in length.  I’m now swinging into gear with Spring 2014, so I didn’t really take breathing time this winter.  I’ve learned from that and have limited myself to only 9 units of class this semester, along with one modern dance class at a studio and jiu jitsu 3 times a week!

In January, I took two really involved courses–the first was a week on Ethics in Ministry with Rev. Susan Ritchie (a great UU historian and a minister who loves her job!), which included very deep discussion on power and authority.  Where does it come from?  How does it look?  Lots to work through.  I had a very moving experience on the last day (a semester of class in one week is a lot!) during a ritual and then a writing exercise, the experience was illuminating as to the reasons for my constant flitting from activity to activity.  Sort of a trying to fit so much into the short amount of time because I was deeply worried about not doing or being enough.  I’m taking to heart that I won’t be able to do everything, and in order to do well the things which I elect to pursue I have to only do a certain amount.  It’s very challenging to make those decisions, but I’m finding it rewarding.

The second class was a transformational one as well!  Thematic Preaching with Rev. Rob Hardies (an amazing preacher and a pastor who enjoys his work as well!).  I tried my hand at extemporaneous (no notes) preaching, and I really liked it.  I’m going to try to take a Black Preaching course next semester or next year to work more on this skill.  It all depends on a Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) unit I might be able to do with the San Francisco Night Ministry.  The preaching class really brought home how important worship is, and how it can be the foundation for great work.  I was blessed to hear words from my classmates (all wonderful and wise souls) and the professor.

This semester is shaping up to be a really reading intense one.  I’m taking Process Theology (a super heady class), A Course on God (more theology, but with the movements of and post apopathic), Spiritual Practices (continued from last semester and really rewarding), and Parish/Non-Profit Administration (thankfully only a 1.5 credit course, and taught by a man who loves the work).  I spend Tuesdays in a daze of work and class, then Wednesdays in class and decompressing.  The end of my week is when I get to work it out with my BJJ crew at Ralph’s in SF.

I’ll be down in Anaheim for the KO Finisher Tournament.  I’m competing as a blue belt for the first time.  I’m nervous and excited all in one!  I haven’t been 100% in training like I was over the summer, so we’ll see if I can get somewhere in these matches.  I have to compete in the Open Division since I’m the only woman in my weight class who signed up (yet again).

Life’s looking so full and rewarding!  I have a wonderful mentor (Rev. Hoyt of First Church L.A.) through the Pacific Southwest District’s In Care Group, and I’m meeting with ministers around the Bay Area to talk about how to best shape an internship to fit my hybrid form of ministry.

 

Thank you for your support and love,

Blessings!

Sarah

My Call

“What made you decide to pursue becoming a minister?”

I have been asked this question a number of times since applying for and enrolling in the MDiv program at Starr King.  It’s proved more difficult to tell a new acquaintance  or an old friend, that I’m hoping to become a parish minister than it is to tell them I’m queer.  Many of my friends are atheists, and some are passionate anti-theists, and I had shut down a the spiritual side of myself because I thought it would match my intellectual nature better and I would gain respect (or at least not evoke disrespect) from the thinkers around me whom I liked.  Turns out, that didn’t work so well for my mental health and I didn’t understand why I felt so imbalanced and unhappy at times.  Now, I don’t believe everyone has the same spiritual needs–or that they would even identify their habits as fulfilling something labeled as “spiritual”–but I do think that living authentically and honestly is of utmost importance.  In order to do that, I need to find a spiritual center.

So why become a minister instead of simply setting aside some time for yoga, meditation, or reflective walks?

Spirituality, to me, is about living my values.  I care so deeply about this planet and its inhabitants that I want to make changes and repair damages while nurturing and supporting those around me.  The problem with my calls to social action, are that they are too many and too varied.  If I were to pursue a degree in Urban Sustainability or Environmental Sciences, how would I best serve those in my community in need of people with experience working for economic or reproductive justice?  How would a degree in music or language give me credibility to work with homeless folks, veterans, or hungry kids?  I chose to go into the ministry because having letters before and after your name give you weight and respect.  How many times has there been a REV. on television proclaiming to be an expert on topic A or subject B?  Do they really know better, or as well as those in the field?

Maybe not in a purely research minded way, but they do reflect regularly and struggle with long term ethical debates and progressive value structures.  Religious leaders are in communities to work as teachers, counselors, and guides.  People seek advice and wisdom from these folks who have dedicated large amounts of time to being authentically invested in their communities.  I want to be that for my community.  I want to support, guide, enable, and inspire action that embodies values like “affirming the inherent worth and dignity” of every being and respecting the “interdependent web of existence” of which we are all a part.

I believe becoming an ordained minister is one of the best ways I can support all aspects of my community and planet, while living my values.

I appreciate your support and interest.

Sarah

Post-post:  If you’d like to help out with the cost of seminary ($60,000 for the total tuition of the 3 year program, plus books and such) I’ve got a PayPal that accepts donations.  Any amount is helpful.  Thank you greatly.